Outgrowing Your Friends


Moving on from people that aren’t good for you is hard. Read that sentence again. Say it louder for the ones in the back.  Even though they’re toxic, bad influences, drama starters, etc.. it’s still hard. If you’re anything like me- you want to forgive and forget over and over again. I often find myself thinking:

It’s okay that they cancelled plans last minute for the fifth time this month, it’s probably my fault anyway.”

“I know they talk about their friends behind their back, but they wouldn’t do that to me.”

“They didn’t mean what they said, maybe they didn’t know it was mean.”

“I know they only hit me up when they need something, but that’s just who they are!”

If you have a person in your life that has made you think or feel one or more about these things about them and yourself- run. One of the best things someone once told me was “People change, but not that much”.  Even so, it can be hard to distance yourself from people that you care about. Sometimes we get in the mindset of thinking, even when we know someone isn’t good for us, that it’s our job to text, call, or message them back. It’s not. You do not owe anyone your time, your resources, your attention or your energy. I saw a post the other day that one of my friends had shared, and the quote was-

Ghosting is not abuse. It’s nobodies ethical obligation to interact with you.

Man, that hit me hard. I am one of those people that feels guilty if I’m not readily available to everyone in my life- the good ones and the bad.
But it is not my job or your job to fix them, to be there for them, or to be their friend. One of the hardest things I did last year was distance myself from an entire group of people. I finally realized that they didn’t care about me as a friend- they only cared about what I brought to the table to increase some type of social status. They weren’t there for me when hard times came, they only reached out when they needed me.

Leaving a friend or an entire group of friends feels like a break up! It hurts, it’s hard, but in the end you’re better off. Remember that you, alone, are valuable. Your worth is not found in your friend group, your social status or your popularity. Don’t waste your time investing in people who only drain you of what you have to give.

Find your tribe. Find people who not only care about you, but who help you be the best version of yourself.
They’re out there- leave the fake friends, and open your heart to people who care about you- just for being you. 

McKenzie Millermon